Since I've already written my entire feature story, here's the lead that I want to use, since it fits perfectly with my feature. Of course, if you all don't think it's very good, I'll write a new one...
It’s eight o’clock PM, and the CBS hit TV show “Survivor” has just ended. For the most part, its thirteen million viewers are moving on with their lives. Many stick around to watch “Criminal Minds”. Some change the channel. Still others turn off the TV and finish the dishes, or put their kids to bed. But for twenty-five die-hard fans, the work has just begun.
I like the first lead, but I think more options would be nice. It can't hurt to have multiple options and who knows? New leads may be better than old ones.
ReplyDelete--
Quaver from Aux Cable (AS)
I like it!! I love how when you're reading, you're like, "Oh I do that!" and then you're like, "WOAH HOLD UP, WHO ARE THESE 25 PEOPLE" :3
ReplyDelete-Nat Attack
I think that's puuurty sweet. The lead grabbed my interest, "WHAT ARE THE 25 OTHER PEOPLE GOING TO DO????" So yeah awesome.
ReplyDelete-Fly on the Wall
Your lead is really good, but there's some grammatical errors you should fix, then it will be perfect. What are 25 die hard fans doing at that time? I like it. :)
ReplyDelete-Juumbie
Wut.
ReplyDelete25 fans? What are 25 fans doing after Survivor and Criminal Minds?
And /only 25/?
And... how is television watching /work/?
Whaaaatever.
Can't wait to read.
Great job.
--IBI
(ba-dum-/chi/!)
Refering vaguely to the "twenty-five die-hard fans" draws me into the article. If you decide to write additional leads, try to incorporate this specific section into them, because it worked well.
ReplyDelete~ OMO
Um... good job? What else am I supposed to say? I like it.
ReplyDelete- EJE
I like it! It makes me want to continue reading to find out about this strange breed of Survivor fans...
ReplyDelete-Clyde
its fine/ good
ReplyDeletedaniel