Ishaan Ranks the Top 10 Musicians Who I Wish Had Been 1-Hit Wonders

10. Lady Gaga

     Lady Gaga is often hailed as a musical genius. Congratulations, you've discovered how to successfully design clothing while strung out on crack! Anyone as bizarre as Lady Gaga should have had maybe 2 months in the spotlight, tops. I get expressing yourself, I do. But this is a bit much. "I saw a golden pineapple in my dream, so I knew that I had to put it in my music video."

9. Pitbull

 

     Pitbull annoys me to no end. All his songs sound EXACTLY the same. And it's not the good kind of exactly the same, either. Uno, dos, tres, quatro. EVERY SONG HE DOES THIS! At least Lady Gaga is amusing, in a train-wreck-Charlie-Sheen-meets-Autotune way.

8. Eminem

     Hi, Eminem. You know, at first, your raps about your drug problem were interesting. At this point, I'm about ready for you to move on. Honestly, do we have to know your life story in 4 minutes every single song? "Uhh, I was on drugs, but then I got divorced, but I have a daughter, and she's named Hailee, and I'm even more annoying than that T.G.I. Friday's server, Jenny." (I hate you, Jenny)

7. P!nk

     At first, I enjoyed your rebellious, anti-societal rambling. Your first few songs, about how you were going to steal someone's drink at a bar and leave him with the tab, and so on, were interesting. But now you have this feminist-be-yourself-rocker style, which doesn't really work. In her latest single, P!nk states "I'm done looking for the critics because they're everywhere/They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair." No, P!nk, I have no idea what's going on there, but you should look into changing it. Can I recommend Serenity Wig Spa?

6. Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana

     Well, that's not strictly true, I would rather you were a 0-hit wonder, but I could live with an annoying song on the radio for two months or so. Why don't you go live in Shrevport with Jamie Lynn Spears and smoke crack together with your deadbeat boyfriends? Oh, wait- you already do one of those things (hint: not Shrevport.)

5. Gwyneth Paltrow

       When I first heard Gwyneth's musical debut, "Country Strong," I had many thoughts. However, none of them are appropriate for our blog, which is, of course, family-friendly. Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please quit. I don't know if I can take much more of you. Actually, I'm quite sure I can't handle another song. 

4. Justin Bieber

      When you first started out, you were this interesting, talented child who Usher found on YouTube. Now, he's the annoying, egotistical child whose hair I very much dislike. He's SO punchable. No joke.

3. BOB

     I don't hate BOB so much as I hate the radio for playing his songs over and over again. "Nothin' on You" was played literally every single hour. That song makes my blood pressure go up. (I totally learned what blood pressure is from House. That's a good show, by the way)

2. Ke$ha

     I thought, "This lady is no way going to last for longer than 2 months". I was wrong. So very wrong. It strikes me that Ke$ha is a former IB scholar who is an expert on cold war history who dropped out to become THIS. Really? 

1. Rebecca Black

     I know what you're saying. You're saying, "But Rebecca Black IS a one-hit wonder!" Not so. TMZ reports that she has begun work on a new single. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!