Here are three leads for an opinion piece convincing parents to let their kids play contact sports.
-Ishaan
TWIST
It’s every parent’s worst nightmare. Your child is running with the football. They’re inches away from gaining a first down. Suddenly, a hulking, gigantic figure wearing the opposing team’s uniform gets in his way. Before you can say anything, your child is being dragged off the field and into the locker room. He has a concussion.
Just kidding! In actuality, concussions are more and more a thing of the past. New, advanced technology in helmets and concussion monitoring have caused a huge drop in the number of concussions, and help ensure that those who suffer concussions are treated and returned to play as soon as possible.
DIRECT APPEAL
As a parent, you want the best for a child. Unless you’re a sociopath or, like the Church of the Sun in Montreal, you believe your child is the Antichrist, your goal is to ensure the safety and well-being of your child above all else. And when it comes to contact sports such as football and ice hockey, the best thing you can do for your child is to let them join in.
RHETORICAL
How can you take a child who has an absent parent, a dysfunctional school with under-performing teachers, and a weight problem and turn them into a successful college student with straight A’s? Just ask Antoine Rojas, a freshman and defensive back at Michigan State University who grew up in the notorious Southgate neighborhood of Detroit. If his parents hadn’t allowed him to play football as a young child, he might not even have graduated.
I like how each lead was written, although I disagree with the facts in each lead. I don't think the best thing to do to protect one's child is to let them play hockey or football. The first lead is a little weird. Starts off very serious, a child getting a concussion. Later to say, 'just kidding!.' This might anger readers. I like the humor in the second lead though.
ReplyDelete- Fly on the Wall
YO!
ReplyDeleteThey're all good, and funny. And possibly offensive to some people who don't have a sense of humor d:
I like the first one most.
Thanks!
NAT
All of your leads are very amusing!!
ReplyDeleteI have to say that the first is the best, though.
-Claudia
Favourite is the last.
ReplyDeleteOne seems a little too misleading, two makes people think the article is going to be about bad parenting, but three is the sort of warm-fuzzy that coerces people into actually finishing the story.
~ IBI
The Twist lead seems to hamper your case more than it helps. You give many reasons to be fearful of early athleticism, but do not reassure fears well enough. To use one of your favorite analogies, this lead is like the Black Eyed Peas Superbowl halftime show. It started off bad, but looked to get decent when Slash appeared. However, it still did not deliver.
ReplyDeleteThe second lead is very humorous.
The third lead is questionable. Antoine Rojas was born into a very nice family. I question the legitimacy of this heartwarming tale.
--Quaver
Number two... Really? That's totally irrelephant.
ReplyDeleteThe first two seem completely different from the third.
- EJE
The last one seemed most likely to convince parents of the benefits of playing contact sports.
ReplyDelete~OMO
Oh my gosh, I LOVE your way of writing! (HA HA HA) But, as entertaining as these leads are, I think you should tweak it a bit more in order for it to be more serious, but I think that if you're aiming for a chatty kind of opinion piece (which I think you should do), you should keep it as it is.
ReplyDelete-Juumbie